Wednesday, July 9, 2008

...

warning: this is a non-makeup/non-abubot related post.

i am not feeling well.

for days now, i feel like i have a flu. my muscles feel sore, my eyes feel sore and i feel so effin' bloated when in fact, i haven't been eating well for days now.

i am feeling too lazy to move...to come to work...even smile.
all i want to do is to lie down, not sleep...but just lie down and do nothing.
i try to stay calm, composed and stop myself from crying each time i talk to you.

i try to act as if i'm okay, when in fact, i am not.

i want to hold you so tight and never let go
i want to be selfish and ask you not to go
now, just thinking of you leaving makes me wanna cry...

(sniff)

i came to work early tonight...you left to have dinner with some friends. i told you i can't join you because i am having a meeting, but the truth is, i just dont want to go and spend time with you. weird, huh!? i dunno, maybe i want to get used to not being with you anymore.

(sigh)

past midnight, i stepped out of the office and went to starbucks. i am not hungry, but my tummy tells me i need to eat...


then i remembered...i used to have midnight snacks like this with you. you'd visit me during my break and treat me to coffee and waffles. sometimes, you'd take me to yellow cab and make fun of me while i munch my pizza like there's no tomorrow.

now, i am eating alone...and will be eating alone for the days to come.


i miss those late night snacking...those nasty comments you'd shoot at me when i overeat and then complain bout my weight afterwards...and i'd surely miss the flowers you bring me as a surprise for just-because occasions...and most of all, i will miss being with you.

no more pigging out on Baliwag chicken/liempo...

no more DVD marathons...

no more petty quarrels when all i want is for you to bring home some cake or icecream as a peace offering...

no more lazy weekends when we spend the entire day eating, sleeping and watching whatever's being shown on TV...

no more movie marathons (in cinema) on weekends when we'd find our eyes sore from watching 2-3 movies in one day...

nobody to go home to...

nobody to mess around when i just finished cleaning...

nobody to complain bout my makeup scattered around...

nobody to carry my big, heavy traincases when i go to wherever...

nobody to hold me and hug me tight and assure me that everything will be alright when i'm having a tough day, or at the brink of killing somebody who's causing me too much stress...

nobody to kiss me goodnight...

nobody to take care of me when i'd like to be treated as a baby...and nobody to baby when you are feeling sick because you were caught up in the rain (yes, you are that sickly...beh)

and nobody to force me to say "yes" when asked with the question, "am i handsome?" that sometimes i would wonder why on earth you've become so conceited? (of course, i know you're just kiddin'...but yeah, to me, you are the most handsome gremlin on earth)

i'm gonna miss you, mahal...can you just not leave?

sniff....

12 comments:

Gracie said...

Awww... bless you Jheng! That must be really hard for you that your 'mahal' is leaving (on a jet plane)... I'm sure he'll keep intouch regularly. Take care of yourself whilst he's away :)

Anne said...

awwww babeeee.....hope this is something temporary and you guys will patch things up. This really made me sad :(

Shen said...

sniff...

don't worry.. everything you are sacrificing will all be worth in the end.

you have our shoulders to lean and cry on, sis. just give us a call and we'll be there. :)

Vi Anne said...

well that made me tear up.
you're gonna be alright Jheng. He'll be gone and back sooner than you think. At least in this day and age, you don't have to hold on and wait for just letters on the mail anymore. Be well and stay safe.

Sophie said...

Bubwet!!!! Don't worry, we have so much stuff to do, I'll sure keep us busy mi amiga ;)

Pauline Denise said...

it really made me cry... i understand how you feel coz the same thing happened 3 mos.ago...my boyfriend and i have been ALWAYS together,as in realllllyy inseparable,ever since college days. then he left for china last april so he could work, as there were better opportunities to earn more money there, than here in the phils.on the day of his flight, i was at work,and he came over just so he could say goodbye.i told him,"please put me inside your suit case?" it felt like i was going to die that day-and i still have my work to finish! T_T just hang in there,at least today we have the ym and webcams and stuff like that..though nothing can compare with really being with each other,but just imagine if we are still on the snail mail days! T_T you'll always have your friends by your side (i always visit your blog,and was very excited to read about your makeup school adventures), your family (your mom is just as pretty and as kikay as you!), and your job (well even though work is ultimately boring sometimes, but it can be a very good distraction for the sadness and emptiness churva), and of course, God, who will continuously give you strength. hope everything will be alright between you two...who knows,maybe in a few months you'll be together again? *crosses fingers* ^_^

TinTin said...

Wahhhh That made me cry also... Hirap noh? I was that emotional when he went away and i was forever waiting for him to be online just to talk with him. Its hard and painful but you'll get used to it. :) We are here for you hehehehehe basta libre make-up hahahaha just kidding :) Anyway we can now look at boys as many as we want! hehehe just look lang ah! mwah!

dianatan said...

awww.. sis, be strong!.. i hope and pray that you'll get through this..

sab said...

awww. honey... this is all too heartfelt. it is hard. but take comfort in the fact that he's just a buzz, a call, a text away. and in time, it will be better. hang in there okay?

meanwhile.. we're just here for you.

how long is he staying there?

Lizzz said...

*hugs*

Sis, it will be okay. i know how difficult it is to part from a loved one because the opportunities are somewhere else.

be strong. we are here for you.

iamsutil said...

thanks mga sis...i am really trying to be strong and hold back the tears para nde sya mahirapan umalis, but i can't. each time i'd try to open my mouth to talk to him naiiyak na ako. i really dont want him to go. we've been together for almost 15yrs and lagi kami magkasama halos everyday for 8 yrs...ngaun lang kami magkakahiwalay ng ganito katagal. i can't imagine living my life without him. pagkagising ko siya agad nakikita ko...ngayon ako na lang mag-isa.

he got himself a work there...every year lang uwi nya bale 21 days ang vacation leave nya every year. grabe, wala sha dito sa anniv namin, sa pasko, sa new year....just thinking about it makes me wanna go nuts. :(

waaahh 6 hrs na lang....

jie jie said...

Ohh Jheng, I'm so sorry. It's really hard, it gets better a bit.. but still hard. the last time I went home to see my dad, I cried so much. And I thought I was used to it already, it's really painful being far from a loved one. At times like this, it makes me hate a lot of things about philippines and the governemnt now and then. There's no perfect government, but ours have too much greed and lack of conscience. Imagine half a century ago, our country was rich while S. Korea was a third world country.. In a matter of decades they made themselves powerful and rich, while our country plunged into poverty.

But you know what, it's better now to stay in touch with all our technology. I used to wait for a snail mails every single day, I'd be so heartbroken not seeing a mail for me. Long distance calls used to be very expensive too, it was really tough growing up like that. Now, we stay in touch through web cam. We eat dinner here, and they're eating breakfast in that side of the world. Kinda helps..

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