Sunday, April 19, 2009

a realization...


okay, so this would be a non-makeup/vanity post...

like what i've previously posted, i've been feeling so low these past few days and i must admit...i began to lose trust on some people and on myself. i've been crying myself to sleep and was on the verge of giving up. yeah, i can be like that at times...you know, when you feel like you're always messing up and your life is going nowhere.


i feel so alone...and i asked HIM why i am again feeling like this. well, i can buy stuff that i want...some of you might say "why on earth is she feeling like that? she looks so happy and she always talk about makeup.." but you see, this is one side of me that most people don't know. i might be smiling most of the time, when in reality, i am crying inside.


nope...this isn't like my April Fools post. (sorry again for being such a meanie on that...) but like a friend of mine once described me...i am a what-you-see-is-what-you-dont-get type of person. not that i am plastic...but i can be really pretentious when it comes to my real feelings.


so today, i went out to enroll in a driving school since X asked me too. i've been really having a hard time getting a cab in the morning on my way to work. i end up looking like i just had a shower because of the scorching heat. i know, i know that there are people having bigger problems than me...but when i'm all stressed and depressed, i tend to complain even at small things.


after the school, i walked around the mall...and then decided to eat my late lunch at our favorite restaurant (i miss you girls...). i looked around and saw other people dining in. they look so happy...and poor me, i'm alone. i try to eat as fast as i could, besides, i planned to hear mass after.


during the mass, i was absent minded. until the priest started his sermon. he talked about TRUST. trusting in yourself, in other people and most especially trusting in HIM. i listened carefully...and when he said "people who are having a hard time trusting other people are those people who don't trust themselves..." it's like hitting me bulls-eye. ouch. i've been hurt a lot...so many times that i already lost count. sometimes, i tend to be cynical already about people and a lot of things. when good things come my way, i would ask "so what's the catch? am i to be hurt again after this?" and when bad things happen...i would say "see, just like what i've thought"

pathetic, i know.


i was touched by the priest's sermon. he said that people must trust in HIM all the time. and that of course, we should be thankful of what we have. if bad things happen, it's always for a reason...and yeah, HE won't give us something we can't endure.


at the end of his sermon, he made us watch a video of Susan Boyle. It was at a show Britain's got talent, you might have watched this already...but if not, click here. i almost cried after seeing it.


we should not be cynical at all. and yeah, it's not good to look down on people just because they don't look pleasant or they are not famous or something. i admire Susan for trusting in herself. she knows what she can do and she believes in herself...something i can't seem to do. i felt ashamed of myself.


i prayed...and promised that i will do my best to feel better. i know i am not the only one having problems or the one worrying too much about the future...but even though i feel like i'm going down, i will still trust in HIM that everything will be alright. and of course, i'll do my part as well. i'll trust in myself that i can go thru anything.

and besides, i have YOU my dearies...you girls have no idea how your comments make me feel better. i am deeply touch each time i get comments/emails from you. i am so thankful to have friends like you.

For those having any sort of problems, we will get thru all these. There's always a rainbow at the end of each rain.

tata!

8 comments:

teeyah. said...

Hi dear :) Glad to know you're feeling better. My mom always tells me that no matter we're feeling, just leave it up to the Lord. Hehe, I don't wanna sound preachy but it always works for me and I know it will, too, for you. :)

Muah!

Askmewhats said...

Sis, its funny how to Lord speaks to us in all methods and way He could think off. We've all had our bad times, I am going through a tough time myself but we always have our side of "all smiles" I know how hard it is to feel all alone at tough times but hey, we always have the LORD up there, and you're right, we should TRUST in HIM for giving us this kind of feelings there IS a reason why we are going tough times and all we do is be patient and we'll be ok :) *hugs*

madblusher said...

Hi Jheng. I'm glad that you feel a bit better. Trust in the Lord and He will guide to where you need to be. =) Challenges are there to make us stronger. I know you can get through this. Have faith in Him, and have faith in yourself. You are a talented and gorgeous woman. Don't ever think otherwise. *hugs*

Jamilla Camel said...

Glad to hear you're feeling better! I think that it's always better to look outside ourselves when we're feeling down, to give us some perpective on life!

Good luck with the driving lessons!

kach said...

This is by far one of your best entries. :) Feel well jheng.

aquaracer said...

hi there! i'm fairly new to your blog but just wanted to let you know that i know how it feels to be "alone." I've been there, but this, too, shall pass. and you're right, there's always a rainbow after the rain. :) good luck with ur driving lessons! ;-) don't drive real close to the buses and jeepneys, hehe.

iamsutil said...

thanks sisters for all the kind words. i am really trying to feel okay...good thing, i have loads of work in the office and i barely have time to think about other things.

God bless us all

yva said...

Jheng I think this is what they call mid life crisis...

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