Sunday, September 13, 2015

The 30-Day Writing My Life Challenge - Day 12: A Friend

I have a friend whom I've hurt badly.  She decided to cut our communication and even blocked me on one of her social media accounts.  I can't blame her though, as what I did is really unbecoming of a friend. I didn't know what came to me that day. I thought it was just one of those days when I can just post what I think and feel without hurting anybody. Yeah, I know may tatamaan and all, but I didn't expect that it will cause me to lose a good friend.  I could've talked to her and confronted her instead, but no, nagparinig ako.  And just when I thought that my status had already been forgotten, she confronted me and asked what's the real deal behind it and when I admitted, she ended up getting really hurt.  I might not have seen her during the time we were exchanging messages about it, but I can feel that she was indeed hurt. I can almost see her crying.

Honestly, if I could bring back time, I will not even think about doing it. I will confront her instead, sermunan her even...anything, but not make parinig like what I did.  I didn't mention her name, yes, but people who knew might have done some talking and things became worse.  I really don't know. I'm not gonna blame anybody else. And I don't care what they said to her, all I know is I've hurt her. And for that, I am really sorry.

Despite me hurting her, she did visit me in the hospital when I got confined last July. It came to me as a surprise, because she hasn't been talking to me for more than a month already.  She came there as if nothing happened. I was really happy to see her. I wanted to talk to her about what happened, but I thought what's the use of opening a can of worms?  Nothing. So I guess, it's all water under the bridge.

But I think I could be wrong.

Things aren't like what they are used to be. She's cold.  She talks to me yes, but I can feel that she's holding back.  She's still hurt, she admitted that and needs more time to heal. I really can't blame her. I do wish to be given another chance, a full chance at that, but who am I to ask for that from somebody I've hurt. Wala akong karapatan. I would've forgiven her totally, should I be in her shoes, but we're different.  I can't expect her to be like me, and vice-versa.  All I can do for now is to move on with my life, and wait until the day she'd call me kapatid again instead of  "Girl."

To you my friend, my kapatid, I am really sorry. I wish the day would come when we'll again be like the way we were before. I miss you.  

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