Thursday, September 3, 2015

The 30-Day Writing My Life Challenge - Day 3: My Mother

Woohoo, I'm on the 3rd day of this challenge and so far, I can still keep up. Hopefully I'd still be on the roll on the days to come. 
(fingers crossed)
 
So for this day, the topic could either be about your Mom or your Dad.  It's not that I don't like writing about my Mom (heck, she's my most favorite person in the world!) but I wish I could also write something about my Dad. But unfortunately, I wasn't able to meet him at all. But I know that he is not Pinoy (oha, gulat ka no!?) and that I got a lot of physical attributes from him. Yes, I kinda look like my Mom but they say that I also look like my Dad.
 
 
My Mom is the second eldest in the brood of five. She had me at the age of 17 and she was only in HS then. Hahaha!  She said she didn't even know she was pregnant with me until she realized her tummy got noticeably bigger on the 5th month. She was isip-bata at that time and all she wanted was to go to discos (yes, that's what they call it back then) and be with her barkadas.  She even planned of giving me away but it all changed when she saw the cute little baby me.  I was born in Manila but she went back to the province after giving birth. There, she continued with her studies while taking part-time jobs. 
 
At a young age, she's already a mother and aside from that, she's also the breadwinner of her family.  I still remember thinking of her as my Aunt and not as my mom. It was then my Aunt, who I called Mama, who took care of me while Mom is studying and working at the same time.  She went abroad to work while I was still in early gradeschool and went back when I was about to start with highschool.
 
I must say it wasn't easy growing up with a single parent who had you when she was still a kid herself.  Back then, I was always wishing that she'll come home instead and be with me. I've always envied my classmates who have their parents with them during PTA meetings and during recognition days. When she came back, I thought it was going to be all better but I was wrong.  It was like having an all new person in your life. Well, she was really different when she came back. She looks like a porcelain doll and I look like a, hmm nevermind.
>_<
 
We had a lot of disagreements and fights back then.  I honestly hated her for leaving me for years.  I wished she didn't have to leave. But of course, being a single parent and a breadwinner, she has to go way beyond her means to be both.  When she had my sister when I was on junior high (yes, we are half-sisters), I sort of hated her because I felt jealous. Most especially when I saw how she takes care of my sister. I wished she did the same to me.
 
That chapter is now closed. Now I can say that I finally got to understand her more.  I got to understand that she just wanted to give me, all of us, the best that's why she decided to work abroad. I got to understand that it doesn't mean she loves me less kaya she was taking care of my sister the way she should have taken care of me.  I realized that when she was away, her only way to make me feel that she's there for me was by sending me to the best school and sending me gifts and toys. She was away, and though she wanted to look after me all the time, she simply can't. So when she had my sister, she wanted to make bawi for all that. I thought she was still being unfair because all I felt was jealousy. Yes, inggit ako. I wanted the same caring. But then I was already old enough and my sister's still way too young.

But you know what, I understand everything now.  And I hate myself from hating her back then.  What she was going through that time ain't easy, but she managed. She managed all by herself.  She's such a strong woman. She may not be the perfect Mom there is but for me and my sister, she is. Now I know she'll do everything and anything for us. Whenever I go home for a vacation, she comes with me wherever I go. She's my buddy.  I am 36 and yet, she takes care of me like her baby.  She even prepares my Milo and my food.  She makes sure I am well-fed all the time, hahaha!  Now I can definitely say, bawing-bawi na siya sa lahat. Not that she needs to make bawi at all.
 
 
She's my Mom and she's my best friend.
I love her so much and I promise that I will always be here for her.
 Aww Mom, I miss you!
 
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2 comments:

Arra J. said...

You're mom looks cool and young. This post hurt my throat. You know when you're preventing the tears from falling. hehe

Brigitte said...

hi Arra J. Aww, sorry if I made you (almost) cry. I was teary-eyed too when i was typing this post. it just made me realised that despite all the things that happened in the past, i am indeed very lucky to have a mom like her. thanks for dropping by! :)

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